Right now I am going to say excuse me if I jump around while I am writing. With this phase that I am in my depression I am a little scatter brained and unorganized. The unorganized part I have a hard time dealing with so it creates more depression. I have no written a blog in quite some time due to the fact of the major down cycle that I have been in. When I am in a down cycle I find it really hard to do simple tasks around the house. I have to force myself out of bed everyday because I could easily sleep all day. I have learned that I expect way too much out of myself daily. If I get two things done I look at it like I ONLY got two things done. When I look around my house I see it as dirty. I don't know how someone else would see it but that is the way that I view it. When it comes to having to do chores I find them harder and harder to do. It is super hard for me to figure out how to please my toddler and get stuff done around the house during the day. The thing is that if I don't get things done while my sons are in school forget about it. Two people now have told me that I need to start mapping out my week of stuff that needs to get done. this way I don't overwhelm myself. I think that I am going to take that advice. Something needs to be done because I feel as though my disorder is consuming who I am. I know I CAN NOT let that happen! My highs need to out weigh my lows.
This numb feeling that I have been having for so long needs to go. When someone asks me how I am doing. I need to be able to say good and actually mean it. Not the fake good that I have been saying. I want to be able to smile laugh and mean it.
