ANTS!!!!

It seems as though this CA heat has drawn in a whole crew of ants into my house.  They started in the kitchen.  Which anyone that knows me knows that is MY domain!  I can not stand that everything is moved about due to these invaders that will not seem to leave.  NOW they have migrated to the living room and are on the fireplace tile.  ARGH is what I have to say to them.  Well that's what I have to say to them nicely put.  Dillon has taken it upon himelf to pound them out, when he finds them.  For some reason bugs trigger something with him and he feels the need to squish them all.  I just want them gone and our house back.

Day two of my blog

Here goes my second blog and what seems like an eon ago.  I feel as though yesterday was a major low for me.  I just woke up in a non-productive mood and in a funk.  Which hasn't been like me since I have started my now SIXTH med.  Recently I went into see my Pysch due to the fact thtat I couldn't pull myself up from my ultra down.  I knew that my meds weren't working.  My moods are all over the place and I had been telling him that and he had been trying to work with me.  FINALLY he came to the realization that I may be bipolar.  SO, my meds were uped AGAIN and I have been put onto mood stabelizers along with my anti depressants.  I will appologize for any spelling or other errors at this point. I have been awake for hours now due to that fact that I couldn't sleep. It is 6:53am and anyone that knows me knows I am normally a night owl. But, since my switch that has changed about me.  Also I have been more motivated to get things done.  I feel as though slowly I am getting myself back.  My organization skills are falling back into place.  This is the strangest feeling for me to have, since I have been this way for so long. I just hope and pray that it is not short lived.

Daily struggle

So here goes my first post to what is my attempt at a blog and getting some of my bottled up feelings out.  My hopes in all of this are to unload some stress for myself and maybe help someone else along the way.  I deal with my depression on a daily basis and get so tied of these feelings that I have.  It is so hard to deal with for myself then to be a wife and a mother of three kids.  Another struggle that I have is that my oldest is Autistic.  I know that my depression effects others around me.  My deepest fear is that it effects my oldest that most.  That it effects his proggress and daily struggle as well.  I have often wondered if me being around him is more harm then good.  But, Then I know that he needs my love ans support no matter what my faults may be.

All I know is that finally seeking help after living wtih this monster of depression all these years I hope that something happens.  My hopes and prayers are for me to one day to not have these feelings and to be able to smile without it being FAKE!