Alone time

As many of you Mothers know having kids can create a whole different kind of stress. I have issues with releasing that stress. I don't know how to relax and unwind. I also have forgot how to entertain myself as my Husband as brought to my attention. I have never thought about it but he is right. I am so used to not being alone that when I am I have NO clue what to do with myself. Being the supportive Husband that he is he has given me a push with this. He gave me some ideas on what I used to like doing before we had kids. I can't remember the last time that I was able to sit down and do a craft project that wasn't for a baby shower. I know the last thing that I did was a basket when I was pregnant with my daughter and she's now 2. He suggested that I sew but what? I have nothing to sew. So I went out and got some stuff. Along with another project that I've been dying to so. I have been wanting to make some holiday wreaths. I took some time away that day to shop alone. It was strange but really nice. Doing so without the distractions. I am hoping that getting to have these little quiet times left to my little projects will help. I am thankful for my Husbands suggestion.

Dillon started 2nd grade

Those that know school has been a big struggle for my oldest Dillon due to his Autism.  The school that he was in up in Apple Valley allowed him to become very lazy with his academics.  He would go to school ans sit ans do hidden picture books or maze books instead of school work.  So, then when it came time for him to do homework it was BEYOND a chore for me.  Also he would bring home art projects that he himself did not even complete.  It got to a point where he would cry to have to go to school.  He became a very unhappy kid.  This made Jake and I unhappy parents.  We made the decision to home school him.  I then had about a four month fight in order to pull him out of that school and get him into the home school program.  Once I started home schooling him I had a lot of habits to break that they let happen.  I started to see a change in him though.  Dillon started smiling again and became that happy boy that we once knew.

Now we are on Dillon's first week of second grade and I am home schooling him again. We feel that it is the BEST choice.  He needs to get to a place where he is comfortable going back and can go there safely.  My goal for him is third grade to get him back into a public school in a SDC class.  I want to see him succeed, be happy and have some friends.

Feeling lost

For quite some time now I have felt lost.  It pretty much started when I had my last kid.  I have been left with this feeling of " who am I exactly".  It feels like though over the years I have lost myself or I never knew who I was really.  Besides being a wife and mother really who am I?  I have been sitting on this.  I feel as like I really put every ones needs before mine way too much.  But, at the same time that is just the way that I have always been. I have been a nurturer since I was little.

Playing things growing up I would say that I wanted to be a librarian because we would play school.  Then I would say a bagger at the grocery store because of playing grocery store.  I had a little shopping cart and would use the coffee table as a conveyor belt.  My favorite was that I said I wanted to fill the soda vending machines, really! I guess there was a man that had showed me how to do it when I was little and I was fascinated with it.  Other then that I never had dreams of what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I never had plans for myself.  Truth of the matter is that I never thought that I would be this old.  I couldn't see myself this far when I was in High School even.

Now that I am 32 Married and have 3 kids where do I see myself?  I see day to day and some of the tasks that I have to do tomorrow.  What I want more then anything is to be able to see myself as an individual!  I want to be able to feel things without it being one side of the spectrum or the other.  Meaning for me.....I either get supper emotional or I am tuned out.  I would love to figure out who I am some where in my healing process.